SHYNESS

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SHYNESS

SHYNESS: Shyness is the quality of being shy; a fear of social interactions, it also known as timidity.

SHY: Can also be defined as to be frightened easily, or timid which means lack of courage or confidence, synonyms fearful

From the definition of shyness above I think we should be able to realize why we are often shy in some of the social activities around us,

Furthermore shyness has its own advantage and disadvantage just like every other thing in the world, but before that, I would like you to know that the main reason why you feel shy in most cases is because of fear, fear of being harassed; fear of being embarrassed; fear of negative reactions to your suggestion or comment and lot more.

ADVANTAGES OF SHYNESS

1.    It saves you from physical harassment.

2.    It saves you from embarrassment.

3.    It saves you from being looked down upon.

4.    It makes you gentle and cool.

DISADVANTAGES OF SHYNESS

1.    It keeps you from knowing your real self.

2.    It keeps you from being who you want to be

3.    It prevents you from gaining help from friends and colleagues.

4.    It kills you silently from inside.

5.    It prevent you from social activities due to lack of courage or confidence

6.    It prevents you from being a leader in any organization.

7.    It prevents you from sharing your opinion in any interaction.

So with this, you can see that shyness has more disadvantages than its advantages and so therefore it renders it not good enough to keep. Shyness works with you mind or better still your heart because before you say or do something you will have think about the reactions to you actions, and your heart keeps beating loud most especially when you are about to do or say what you have in mind and that can cause hypertension, high blood pressure or even heart attack.

HOW CAN YOU STOP YOURSELF FROM BEING SHY???

          I have been able to come up with some ideas to help render shyness invalid in you.

1.    You have to accept yourself as a shy person because the best way to escape or conquer your problems is to face them.

2.    You will have to conquer your fear; in this case you must be very careful in conquering your fear here because you might be doing the wrong thing think you are conquering your fear, the fear you are conquering here does not mean speaking to people anyhow, but speaking to people in every possible way positively, you have to learn to speak carefully once you know what you are saying is right.

3.    Always take a deep breath whenever you want to make a speech, a suggestion or comment about something

4.    Try and build up a speech by yourself and present it to your friends, or keep practicing how to present a speech as if you want to present it in public, which can also help.

5.    Be happy always and let people know you are happy completely; anytime you feel happy there is never a space for fear, be jovial and cheerful and endeavor to cheer others and help them in happiness, with that you can save yourself from shyness.

6.    Always greet people most especially the ones you don’t know; you might think that this has nothing to do with shyness but I tell you it really does a lot in helping you overcome shyness.

7.    Always feel free to do anything, don’t allow your shyness overcome you but try and overcome your shyness.

8.    Try and engage yourself in face-to-face interactions with people, even the ones you think will make jest of you and don’t think of how they will react to your appearance, just try and dress well to avoid negative attractions to your look.

9.    You need to develop courage; courage is what you need to conquer fear, every shy person lacks courage so you will have to develop courage to conquer fear.

          To develop courage you will need to engage yourself in tasks you think is difficult such as demanding things from friends, you might be thinking that demanding for something from people around you is bad but I tell you now that thought is from shyness, and you need to go against it.

          You should try to contribute to any interactions you find yourself in, during interactions, fear will always rise up in you but you need to forget about it.

Another way in which you can develop courage is by asking questions from speakers in any lecture or seminar you attend even though you understand everything just try and ask question to help you develop courage.

          You can also engage yourself in social activities going on around you such as picnic, debate, quiz competitions, games and any other activity you find difficult to participate in.

          There is one more thing you need to know about shyness, whenever you are around your friends most especially the ones you have spent a lot of time with, you discover that you are not shy to do anything thing with them even silly things because you believe they’ve known everything about you and you’ve known everything about them.

          The highest levels of shyness occur in adolescents, with higher levels in girls than boys. Reasons include: bodily changes perceived as awkward or ugly; a rise in sexual feelings and arousal; changes in female body shape reacted to by males in confusing ways; and a new focus on self and privacy.

          Affluence may increase the level of shyness in our culture, explained in terms of greater social isolation, less practice in face-to-face conversations, and avoidance of awkward, unfamiliar, and spontaneous interactions.

OTHER THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SHYNESS

          Shy people date a lot less than the non-shy, and have fewer friends. They are less expressive and verbal; in fact, the less they have to speak, the better they like it. Even a simple conversation creates quite a problem, as you might imagine for the shy person. They’re so busy wondering what the other person is thinking of them, that they fail to concentrate on the conversation itself. They are in fact, so busy living in their own heads, trying to be perfect, that they don’t learn to express themselves very well. Shy people are self-conscious, sometimes painfully so, and that gets in the way of every interaction in their lives.

          Shy individuals have a bad self-image and report more negative thoughts on a daily basis than the non-shy person. Interacting is so difficult and painful for them, that they tend to avoid any and all social occasions. Unfortunately, that means they are lacking in social skills as well. Social skills are a learned thing and need to be practiced. The more they see themselves as awkward, socially inhibited, unfriendly and even incompetent, the less they want to socialize, the more they avoid any and all social occasions.

          Fear of interacting with the opposite sex keeps many shy people from dating. They may see themselves as unattractive and awkward; after all, they don’t even know how to talk to the opposite sex. They make up their minds that they’re unwanted, undesirable, and maybe even unlovable. They expect rejection, and will take themselves out of the game before the supposed rejection can take place.

Anticipating rejection brings about the self-fulfilling prophecy. They expect to be rejected and when no one asks them out, they figure they were right in the first place and that it’s just not worth all the effort. The more failure they experience, the less they try, until they are in total seclusion. And all because of what they feared might happen

          Perceived threat is what keeps most shy people out of the running altogether. They become overly sensitive to what others are thinking or saying, and underestimate their own ability to cope with a given social situation. They do, in fact, handicap themselves before anyone has said a word. Then they begin to use their shyness as a crutch and an excuse to avoid further socializing. In an effort to avoid pain and rejection, they take themselves off the market.

          While shy people are seen as less friendly and less assertive than others, they really are not seen as negatively as they fear they are. Unfortunately, they do seem to remember the negative feedback longer than the non-shy. They are more anxious about creating good impressions and more fearful of any anticipated rejection.
          The shy student, in the case of the shy student, because they are so fearful, they miss out on opportunities to further their studies. They fear speaking out in class; even interacting with other students is painful and uncomfortable for them. The shy are less likely to make use of good resources, information, and guidance in their career planning. Without assertive behavior in simple things like job interviews, they come off as less than desirable candidates for the job. This sets up more rejection and failure issues in the shy person’s mind.